jamie goes outside

my current adventure

I am in my final semester of my undergraduate degree, and that is my current adventure. In past semesters, I have made sure that I didn’t have to do homework on my long weekends so that I could go to a national park or two instead. This semester, college is my adventure.

I have been in college since the fall of 2015 (I did take a year and a half off to be a full-time missionary in Chile, but still). During this time, I have been mainly focused on my school work. I understand my own need to get outside and enjoy what nature has to offer. Because of my desire to be outside, I have seen college as a hinderance to that: I can’t go on a trip unless I have all my homework done. I have to do homework before I can play.

This semester, my goal is to enjoy the college experience. After this semester, I [probably] won’t be going back to school. Now is the time to learn learn learn as much as I can from people who are experts on the subject matter.

I could take the easy way out: just try to pass my classes, take the easier classes and professors, etc. Or I can take advantage of what BYU still has to offer me in this my final semester: take the classes that will help me develop and refine my skillsets, even if they’re harder; audit that class I’ve wanted to take forever; still try to get good grades even though I only need a C to graduate.

So I may not go to as many national parks this semester. I got a ski pass instead (an adventure a mere 30 minutes away). I may not go on many dates (when have I ever gone on a lot of dates though?).

I am going to finish strong. And I am going to try to savor and enjoy this, my current adventure.

4 parks in 4 days

National parks are my jam. When I was little, my family would go to national parks but I never really liked nor appreciated them. Mostly I was bored and tired on our hikes and did not understand why my mom thought they were the most beautiful places in the world.

Now I get it. National parks make my jaw drop and take my breath away, and not just because I’m a fast hiker. I think appreciating the beauty of nature comes with adulthood, it’s something I’ve had to grow into.

A few weeks ago, I turned 23. I was at lunch with my sister and my roommate when my sister told me that maybe I should kiss 23 boys to celebrate being 23. I think instead I’m going to try to visit 23 national parks this year. I’ve already done 8:

The Badlands, South Dakota
Theodore Roosevelt, North Dakota
Yellowstone, Wyoming
Grand Tetons, Wyoming
Rocky Mountain, Colorado
Great Sand Dunes, Colorado
Mesa Verde, Colorado
Black Canyon of the Gunnison, Colorado

For the Colorado parks, we did all four in four days. It was a 1,000+ mile road trip that included the most beautiful campsite I’ve ever been to (Stillwater campsite at Lake Granby), the windiest night of my life (if you’re going to the sand dunes, don’t camp), some great red rocks and petroglyphs, and maybe my favorite park I’ve ever been to (though I think Black Canyon is better in the winter??)

So I have 15 national parks to go in order to complete my goal for this year of my life. There are five in my home state of Utah; easy. Ten more apart from that. I’m thinking Glacier, Grand Canyon, Joshua Tree, Death Valley, Great Basin, Carlsbad Caverns, Wind Cave, Mount Rainier, Olympic, and North Cascades. I know those are all in the West, but they’re within driving distance for me. I guess I better start planning those trips, huh?

an open letter to COVD-19

Dear COVD-19,

May I call you “Rona”? You’ve changed my life so much, I feel like we should be able to give each other nicknames.

So Rona, you’ve really taken my life and flipped it upside down. I am a planner. I always have my next few months planned out, I know what’s coming next for me; and then you came along and said “SIKE!”

Not cool Rona, not cool.

In two weeks time, I should be flying to Santorini, Greece to start the most amazing study abroad program. Not two weeks ago, I should have been at the Jonas Brothers Concert in Las Vegas. Today should have been my last day of classes of a regular semester. Come July, I should be doing nothing but watching the Olympics and thinking that I should have applied myself more in my childhood gymnastics class. But you cancelled all of that. Thanks a lot.

It all happened so suddenly. One day, I was getting excited to fill out my bracket for the NCAA tournament when I found out that March Madness would be played without fans. I thought that would be weird but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. The next day, I got an email that said my classes for the rest of the semester would be online, all students were encouraged to go home, and all spring study abroad programs were cancelled.

And I cried.

I have been looking forward to going on a study abroad since my oldest sister went on one about 10 years ago. Since I was a freshman, I have been researching the different programs offered at BYU and I finally found the perfect one: 7 weeks through 12 countries in Central Europe and ending in Morocco, studying experiences (read: “studying fun”). I had paid for the trip in full from my own savings, and just like that, it wasn’t going to happen for me anymore.

And then my grandma was in the hospital. She has cancer. Thanks to you, no one could go visit her. Thanks to you, when I went to see her at her home on Sunday, I couldn’t even hug her nor my aunt and uncle whom I haven’t seen in over a year.

Also there was an earthquake. But that wasn’t your fault.

This past month in self-isolation has been interesting to say the least. I have been unable to make definitive decisions because everything is up in the air and the people that control my options were not making decisions. Would Spring classes be online? Will BYU accept FSY as my internship even though it wouldn’t be remote? Would FSY even continue forward or would it be cancelled? Will Australia ever reopen their borders? (That seems irrelevant, but it’s not–my parents live there.)

Well, slowly but surely, I have been able to make decisions. I’ll be taking Spring classes online. FSY is cancelled for 2020. If Australia does reopen their borders, I’ll probably be going there to spend time with my parents.

But Rona, I want you to know: it hasn’t all been bad. I have you to thank for a few things as well:

I run now. I’ve started running about 3x/week in an effort to 1) not be so sedentary, 2) enjoy some fresh air, and 3) not go stir-crazy sitting in my bedroom doing homework all day.

You also cancelled an event I was working on for a class that I really didn’t want to put on. So big thank you for that.

This last month, though stressful and incredibly abnormal, has helped me and the whole world to reset. We needed this time to regroup and realize that the things in our life that seemed so permanent are not. We needed to rest and recharge and reevaluate what is really important in our lives. Thank you for making us slow down and for giving us the time to reflect.

I have also read a lot of books. Mostly the Harry Potter series; it’s good stuff. I’ve even noticed a lot of parallels between you and when the Dark Lord returns… no offense though. Real text to world connections happening here.

All in all, Rona, I’m bummed about a lot of the things I can’t do because of you. But I’m grateful for some of the things I didn’t have to do because of you. I’m also grateful for the things I have been able to begin doing thanks to you.

You’re not all bad. But I would really like to hang out with my friends again and go on a road trip to a National Park or something. So please let me.

Sincerely,

James.

(You can call me that. It’s what my close friends and family call me.)

unclear

Recently, things in my life have seemed very unclear. I go about my day-to-day doing the things I need to and the things I think I’m supposed to, and yet I do not have a clear picture of my future. I know what I want it to look like, and I think I’m doing the things I need to in order to have that in the future, but it seems like nothing is really going to work out in my favor.

Okay, that’s a bit overdramatic and I’m really only talking about one aspect of my life but it seems to be clouding my vision. I want to see things more clearly. I want to think clearly.

In 34 minutes I’ll take my last final of the semester. In 48 hours I will be getting ready to go to the airport. In 96 hours I will be with my parents in Australia. I cannot wait to get out of the cold and into a place that actually feels like home (crazy how somewhere so far away from where I was raised can feel like home because two people are there).

So here’s to clearing my mind [and heart?] with sun, sea, sand, and parents. I’ll see you soon, Adelaide.

the next next fun thing

I booked my flight to San Francisco for Martin Luther King Jr. Day weekend. I needed a next next fun thing to look forward to after Christmas break in Australia. Winter semester is always so long and dreary and I need fun things to look forward to to break it up. So two weeks after I get home from Australia I’m going to San Francisco to spend the long weekend with my sister and her husband and their cute baby girl. I’m really excited. This will be my first time traveling completely solo. I know it will just be flying by myself because I will be spending all of my time there with family, but it’s a good start.

Traveling alone kind of freaks me out. Last year I was taking a class called “Life Planning and Decision Making”. It was an enlightening class and I really enjoyed it. I gained a lot of insights about myself and the way I live my life. I learned that I often don’t make decisions because I am afraid of either outcome. I learned a lot about willpower and decision making styles. One of the final projects we had to do was to set some big life goals and create a five-year plan to achieve those goals. During the process we had to share our plan with a partner and get their feedback.

My goals and plans included travel. I want to go to all 50 US states, all of the US National parks, and all 7 continents. I made some plans and it was kind of scary to really think about it all. My partner asked me a question that I hadn’t really thought about. She asked me if I would ever consider traveling alone. That question caught me off guard and scared me. I feel like I had always been taught that you shouldn’t travel solo, especially as a young, single female. It’s dangerous to travel solo. But there are also a lot of benefits and things to be learned by doing so.

This summer I read Wild by Cheryl Strayed. It’s her story of solo hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in California and Oregon. I loved it. It made me want to hike the Pacific Crest Trail and do it solo too. It made me want to go on an adventure to find myself. I really want to find myself. I feel lost and confused about where I am going and what I am doing with my life. I think I have a plan but then it doesn’t quite work out. But thus is life.

I want 2020 to be the year where I find myself. Again. I feel like I knew who I was for a little bit here and there, but I’m lost again. These last few months have been really hard and I feel broken down. I think it’s almost time to start building myself back up again into the person I really want to be. So here goes.

not spontaneous

Last week I almost bought a plane ticket to San Francisco for the first weekend in December. My sister lives there and has the cutest 4-month old girl. Her couch is the comfiest couch (maybe bed) that I have ever slept on in my life, it really doesn’t make sense.

But I didn’t buy a plane ticket because I’m not spontaneous.

A couple weeks ago, my friend/coworker said he wanted to hang out with me more because I’m so spontaneous. I just laughed. He mistook my weekend camping trip to three national parks as me being spontaneous. I told him that my roommate and I had been planning that trip for over a month. I’m not spontaneous. I plan ahead. I mull things over for a long time before I make a decision.

I want to be more spontaneous. I know that spontaneity and having fun often go hand in hand and I want to have more fun. But I also want to be smart about things.

That’s probably why I opted not to book a flight to an Airbnb in Montreal to see the Jonas Brother concert over Thanksgiving Break because their tickets were only $50. Would have been fun, but a cabin in Idaho sounds good too.

I think there should be a balance of planning ahead and just going for it. Maybe I should plan time into my day to be more spontaneous.

outside

The word “outside” in the title of this blog has many meanings for me. The word is almost like a symbol. Outside in nature. Outside my comfort zone. Outside my own mind. Outside myself. Outside my city. Outside my state. Outside my country. My inside thoughts and feelings being posted outside into cyberspace for anyone to read.

Vulnerability is hard for me, especially with people that I know. And yet, for some reason it is so much easier for me to write here and be vulnerable and let anyone and everyone that wants to read it. Maybe it’s because I don’t know you. Why is that?

Whatever the reason may be, I’m excited to go outside with you.

reflecting

I like Sundays because I try to take time to reflect and ponder. I spent my time at church today reflecting on how I have been feeling for the last few weeks and months. I’ve been mostly sad. This brought me to reflect on other times in my life when I have felt overcome with grief, sadness, and have had a negative view of life and the world. More specifically, it brought me to reflect on what has gotten me through those negative times. The answer came almost immediately: looking outside myself.

Forgetting about myself and focusing on serving others according to their needs has been one of the best ways I have found to get over my own problems. It worked when I was a missionary in Chile for 18 months. For a time I was so down every day and it was like I had to throw myself out of bed each morning or else I would never get up. Once I decided to focus on other people and helping them rather than how much I missed home and how much I didn’t get along with my companion, it was still hard. But it got better. And I was happier with time.

After I got home and had to readjust to “real” life and college, I found myself sad all the time again. What got me out of that one was working for a youth camp called EFY. I spent my whole summer with 14-15 year old kids, playing games, dancing, laughing, and talking about Jesus. I was so happy at the end of that summer.

I’m in a rut again and I don’t really see a way to get out of it. I know I need to focus on serving and uplifting others. I know that will be helpful. But I have midterms to study for and papers to write. I’m in the thick of the semester and as soon as it’s over another one starts.

I went to listen to my sister speak in church today and her message really touched me. She talked about how God promises us good things to come. She talked about the hope that that can give in our lives when we feel we are lost in our own wilderness. She said, “afflictions and blessings are both numberless, but we get to choose which ones we count.”

I am going to try to count the good things; the hope of blessings to come. Reflecting today has brought me really good insight and a direction to continue forward.

So take some time to reflect on your life today. How are you doing really? How do you wish you were doing? What do you need to do to get there? You might be surprised what you learn by being still.

“studying”

This is a picture of the entrance to the building I have spent more time in on campus than maybe all other buildings combined: the library. I love libraries. You’re surrounded by thousands of books that are full of information and stories on so many diverse subjects. Libraries are quiet, or they should be. They are usually a good place to focus and get stuff done.

I usually have a hard time focusing on homework at home so I try to spend my productive hours of the day on campus, usually in the library. But recently, I have been having a really hard time focusing on anything. My thoughts are constantly wandering and I find it difficult to get any good studying in. Sometimes I am just in the zone and can get some solid work done. That’s not happening right now. I’ve been here for 45 minutes and have barely succeeded at learning half of my flashcards on quizlet for my midterm.

At least the building is cool.

a love for the outdoors

I have to do an assignment for my major where we explore different job opportunities in our areas of interest within the field and write about it. The first area I chose was non-profit management, specifically youth development. Every job posting I found sounded amazing and got me really excited. The second area I chose was travel and tourism because I love to travel and I’m getting a minor in tourism. I found, however, that those job descriptions did not excite me nearly as much. I love travel and tourism, but I don’t want to work in an office per se. I want to be out in the thick of it, experiencing it with the tourists and watching them be enchanted by what different places have to offer.

Due to the fact that I couldn’t find any job positions that sounded incredible to me, I decided to switch the area of work I was going to write about: outdoor and adventure recreation/education. Again, the job descriptions got me excited and I found common themes: being outside and helping others.

I have decided that whatever I decide to do with my life, I need to spend a lot of time in the outdoors. I love the peace and tranquility that nature offers. I love the fresh mountain air. I love how being in nature facilitates pondering and self-discovery. Great things happen outside, and I want to be a part of it. I love being outside way too much to be cooped up in an office full-time. That’s not for me.

That probably means I won’t make very much money, if any. But I don’t care. As long as my family and I can get by, I want to spend my time and energy focused on helping other people live their best lives. And I strongly believe that the lessons we learn about others, nature, and ourselves in the outdoors will help us live our best lives everywhere.